Liverpool - Globe
Norwich - Dinosaur Norwich - Helter-skelter Peterborough - Dinosaur Rochester - Crazy golf St Edmundsbury - Masonic dinner Westminster - Amal puppet I won't start until after Easter, but let's have nominations in now. Oh... and this is not the place to discuss the theft of Catholic cathedrals...Eccles is saved
This is the spiritual journey of me, Eccles, my big brother Bosco, and my Grate-Anti Moly. Eccles is saved, but we've got real problems with Bosco and Anti.
This is me, Eccles
Friday 22 March 2024
The World Cup of Misused Churches
Yet another World Cup to be settled by Twitter polls.
The churches can be Anglican, Catholic, Lutheran, whatever (so far they seem to be Anglican cathedrals
that were once Catholic). The misuse is to be some significant secular event that took place
in a place normally used for worship - so liturgical abuses
don't count (we have plenty of those anyway!)
We have nine nominations so far, all from England, so please nominate others worldwide
(with location and preferably
a link or a photo):
Canterbury - Silent disco
Durham - Globe
Thursday 21 March 2024
Pagans in Communion Conference
Yes, presented by www.christrecovery.com, it's the conference for all whose
pagan leanings have been affected by Catholicism!
Nothing to do with this event, honest!
If you are a Pagan formerly associated with or affected by Catholicism, or are seeking to understand
the effects of Catholicsm on our Pagan faith, then this conference is for you!
We feel your pain. Rigid Catholics who use words like "sin", "redemption" and "Christ"
can cause untold distress to good Pagans such as ourselves, and it is important
for us to have a conference as a way of giving each other support.
Two keynote speakers!
Yes, we are honoured to welcome Joe Biden, part-time president of the United States,
who will give a keynote address on the subject of "Urgle burgle who am I splunge where's the ice-cream?"
explaining how he was traumatized when a Catholic told him that killing babies was
wrong.
We shall also be hearing from Fr James Martin LGBTSJ, author of "Are you gay? If not, why not?" -
a manual for seminarians.
We shall hold synod-style bonding sessions!
We shall obviously play down the religious side of our beliefs - it is much more important to
focus on OURSELVES rather than GOD - but we shall certainly sing a few
happy songs (we don't use the h-word these days!) such as "All are welcome", "Gather us in", "On eagle's wings", etc.
As we meditate on just how horrible Catholicism is, we shall discuss the wonders of alternative
beliefs, such as in Pachamama or the following message, seen at King's Crescent Railway Station.
The Stations of the Crescent - a lesson to us all.
Actually, some of us are a little unhappy with using words like "sinners", so there will
be a trigger warning on this, and those likely to be offended may wish to miss out on
this session. We are now trying to persuade the station to display more friendly messages such as
"Remember, you are perfect already!"
Anyway, we are not here simply to moan about Catholicism, we will be partying as well! One
of our keynote speakers, Blase Cupich, has donated some birthday cake, and all are welcome
to share it (except Arthur Roche, who has his own cake).
This gluten-free, vegan and climate-friendly cupcake is also guaranteed Catholic-free!
LATE NEWS: Some orthodox Catholics have been detected trying to gatecrash
our conference. All future bookings must be accompanied by a letter of support
from either (a) a Jesuit; (b) Austen Ivereigh; or (c) Someone who writes for "Where Peter Is".
Tuesday 19 March 2024
Pope Francis's autobiography - the 3rd and last phase
In this final instalment of Pope Francis's autobiography
Life: My Story Through History, subtitled Why I was right and all other popes were wrong,
which is published today,
the Holy Father explain his most brilliant decisions of the last few years.
Part 1 is here
and Part 2 is here.
Traditionis Custodes.
My evil predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, died in December 2022. I was very pleased
to comfort him in his last few months by phoning him up three times a day to tell him that I was repealing his own Summorum Pontificum
and banning the traditional Latin Mass.
My main ally, with one of his great interests, cakes.
It was not going to be easy. At the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments there was
one of my arch-enemies, Cardinal Sarah. A man who not only read books without
pictures in them, but even wrote them. Yes, an intellectual, and a backwardist who kept
quoting the Bible!
Luckily his deputy was quite the opposite, and had never been accused of being an intellectual.
An overweight power-mad bully, he reminded me of someone: who could
it have been? Well, never mind. So out went Sarah and in came the Yorkshireman Arthur Roche.
Uncle Arthur was delighted to have this opportunity to serve me. Provided that he was made a cardinal,
he would do anything I wished: "Make the TLM compulsory?
Hold all masses in the Yorkshire dialect? (I must admit that the idea of the Italians and Polish reciting 'Ee ba goom, tha
Lord be with thee, luv!' was rather appealing.) Just tell me what you want and I'll do it!"
So we agreed to ban the TLM, and to lean on bishops to make sure it happened.
It would take a while to remove these masses entirely, so we made it hard to find them.
Advertising them
in the parish newsletter was OUT. Even mentioning them was now a SIN. The bishops knew that
promotion was now conditional on persecuting traditionalists. AND WE ARE WINNING!
Austen Ivereigh.
I first encountered Austen in the Vatican gardens.
Dr Austen Ivereigh has been one of most loyal allies. Because he keeps dogs, he is entitled to call
himself an expert on Canine Canon Law, and as is well known, he has written many
biographies of me. In the first he portrayed me as a wise and holy man, in the second he
upgraded me to saint, and in the third he saw me as the fourth person of the Trinity.
Recently we have been holding a synod on synodality, and Austen has been a lively and
vocal participant. I gave him a little badge marked EXPERT, and he is very proud of it.
Of course I haven't broken it to him that whatever the synod decides is
irrelevant since I will make the final decisions. Did I ever mention that I am infallible?
Sometimes it embarrasses me, being so infallible!
The synod logo. Silly, but not by Rupnik. Sorry, Marko!
Fiducia Supplicans.
You will remember that the main message of Amoris Laetitia was "Hey, adultery's cool!"
Now, more recently, I thought I would try out "Hey, same-sex marriage is cool!"
To do this I needed the cooperation of someone at the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith.
Ladaria was no good, he might actually have had some moral scruples, but I knew just the chap
to replace him.
Yes, we had come full circle. I chose my old mate Víctor Manuel Fernández, known as
Tucho. Since the days of our friendship in Argentina, he had made a career out of
working as a male kissogram and also by writing dirty books. Just what we needed.
So - and here my Jesuit training came in handy - we decided to make it permissible to bless same-sex couples, provided that we
didn't call them that. They could be described as an alliance,
brace, coalition, confederation,
deuce,
doublet,
duo,
dyad,
item, pair, partnership,
twain,
twosome or union, but NEVER a couple.
Unfortunately, Fr James Martin LGBTSJ gave the game away!
If you want any more, you'll have to buy the book. It should soon be available
from second-hand bookshops for about 50p. Eccles.
Monday 18 March 2024
Pope Francis's autobiography 2 - our hero starts work
Our serialization of the book continues from Part 1.
Me with my troublesome predecessor!
The Year of Mercy
Quite early in my reign I decided to institute a Jubilee Year of Mercy. As well as being very humble, I am also a particularly merciful man
- except to people I don't like -
so I initially proposed a slogan "Be merciful like the Holy Father!" However, owing to
a clerical error (the cleric in question has now been mercifully laicised), it came out as
"Merciful like the Father", which isn't at all the same thing!
My great friend Marko Rupnik was in Rome, and so I asked him
whether he could provide one of his artistic masterpieces as a logo. "The most appropriate thing would be
a two-headed skiing instructor with three eyes," he said, "just as soon as I finish
some work I have to do with my 'Nuns in Bondage'." The NIB wasn't an order I had ever come across, but
I was pleased to know that Marko was reaching out to these ladies.
An artistic masterpiece!
Amoris Laetitia.
One of my early triumphs was the Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, which followed two Synods
on the Family. In those days I hadn't yet got hold of the best way to run a synod, namely,
to invite trouble-makers to chatter to each other, flatter them by calling them experts,
and then ignore everything they say!
A few weeks before the report was due, I received a letter from Adolfo Nicolás, who was then
head of the Jesuits, saying "Holy Father, your recent documents have been too easy for
people to understand. Please insert some ambiguity, heresy and confusion into the next one,
or we may have to review your membership of the Jesuits."
I think I did rather well. The result was that four turbulent cardinals sent me five Dubia.
These were questions such as
"Are you off your head?" and "What do you think you are playing at?" and they were very difficult to answer!
So I ignored them completely, but made a note that a bit of Merciful Persecution would
be needed.
Luckily, two of the cardinals died quite quickly, and one was very old. This just left my ARCH-ENEMY,
Raymond Burke! I gradually took my revenge, so that now, at the time of writing, he is
penniless, homeless, and under order to walk around ringing a bell and shouting "UNSAVED! UNSAVED!"
Here I have him in a painful grip known as the "Chinese Burn".
Pachamama
One of my great triumphs as pope has been to welcome other religions into the "big tent".
Muslims, Hindus, Aztecs, Fire-worshippers, Pagans - even Anglicans - they're all just following slight variations on
Catholicism. So when the time came to welcome the Amazonian indigenous groups, we
bought a job lot of Pachamama idols and showed reverence to them.
My dear friend Austen Ivereigh, who has already written six seven books about
me, including "The Pope Francis keep-fit book" and "Pope Francis's insect-based recipes",
told me that Pachamama was actually just a name used by the Blessed Virgin Mary: this sounded
a bit TOO Catholic for me, but I let it pass.
Then what happened? Newspaper headlines worldwide!
POPE'S IDOLS NOW IN SANTA MARIA CHURCH.
FRANCIS IDOLS THROWN IN TIBER
POPE APOLOGISES TO PACHAMAMA FOR EARLY BATH
What nonsense! As if I would ever apologise to anyone, even an Amazonian fertility goddess!
Just a perfectly ordinary day in the Vatican.
You may be wondering where the sex idols are now. Well, I passed them
onto my great friends Marko
and Tucho. They were delighted!
Part 3
is the last part. Honest.
FRANCIS IDOLS THROWN IN TIBER
POPE APOLOGISES TO PACHAMAMA FOR EARLY BATH
Sunday 17 March 2024
Serialization of Pope Francis's autobiography 1
We are deeply privileged to be able to print excerpts from the autobiography
of Pope Francis,
Life: My Story Through History, subtitled
Why I was right and all other popes were wrong, which is to be published
on St Joseph's Day, the 75th birthday of the great Cardinal Cupich.
All the stories that Austen Ivereigh never knew about!
My early career.
Born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, I worked for a time as a bouncer, throwing people out of clubs;
I came away from this job with a black belt in the
ancient martial art of Papa-Slappa, which I use whenever
people annoy me.
I then trained as a chemist, but this was an unhappy time, as I rejected
all traditional teaching (e.g. "do not put arsenic in people's sandwiches" and "acid baths can harm people") in
favour of my own magisterium.
I make coffee for my friend "Tucho" Fernández.
I train as a priest.
After my unhappy experiences as a chemist, I was looking for another career, and my mentor, Fr Juan Perón SJ,
suggested that I was best suited to be either a priest or a confidence trickster. In the end
we compromised, and I became a Jesuit.
A few pages omitted here, Let's get on to more recent history. Eccles.
I become pope!
In 2005 I had already been a candidate for the papacy, but inexplicably the Holy Spirit, who
has the final say in these decisions, burst out laughing and gave the job to Cardinal Ratzinger
instead. What was I to do?
Little did I know, apart from the fact that they telephoned me about it every day,
that the Holy Spirit had appointed an organization called the St Gallen Mafia,
whose job it was to make sure that Ratzinger did not stay around too long, and
that I should take his place.
Apart from the Godfather, Ivo Fürer, there were other notorious people. I remember Martini,
who put a horse's head into Benedict's bed; Danneels, who once nailed a seminarian's head to the pew; and
Kasper, who made Benedict an
offer he couldn't refuse.
Carlo Maria Martini and his Uncle Baal.
Eventually, the Holy Spirit caused Benedict to resign suddenly, and persuaded the conclave
to elect me as Pope! As someone once said "Thus proves that God has a sense of humour!"
To follow:
* How I corrected the errors of 2000 years of Catholicism!
* Amoris Laetitia! How adultery became cool!
* Pachamama! How I came to love idols!
* Traditionis Custodes! How I applied Fr Juan Perón's methods!
No backwardism in MY Church!
* Austen Ivereigh! How a garden-gnome became a theological expert!
* Synods! How to waste the time of your most irritating friends!
On to Part 2!
Saturday 16 March 2024
How Catholics should celebrate Ramadan
As we all know, "Ramadan" is just the Arabic word for "Lent",
and it should be celebrated in that spirit, as
several great Catholic leaders of our time have
pointed out. First came Cardinal Dolan.
Ramadan is a holy season and Muslims set us a good example.
Sounds uncontroversial, doesn't it? We simply need to celebrate as the Muslims do.
After all "Allahu Akbar" sounds very like "Alleluia" so we can sing either of these.
Or, better still, shout them at people we meet in the street.
Personally, I try not to eat during the daytime but have a big blow-out after
dusk. A huge plate of hot crescent buns, for example.
Cardinal! Don't you realise it's Ramadan?
Then we come to Cardinal Cupich, who would not be seen dead participating in a traditional Latin Mass,
but is as happy celebrating Ramadan as he is in one of Fr James Martin's LGBTSJ-friendly happenings.
Let's all attend Novus Ordo Iftars!
Finally, let's see what the relevant dicastery (the word means "circus" these days) has to say.
Unfortunately, their ecumenical efforts only merit 5/10, as they refer to "Muslims" as "Museums",
probably having Christianity's Sea of Gallery in mind.
Still, they have already received
a letter of thanks from Tristram Hunt, Director of the Victoria and Albert museum.
Dialogue is always a good replacement for worship.
So where does this feast of inter-religious dialogue leave us? I can see only one
way of dealing with this: ENCOURAGE THE MUSLIMS TO BE SYNODAL. All they need to do
is to get a bunch of self-styled experts to sit in a large room and bore each
other to death.
Meanwhile, our own Synod (theme: "a kenotic decentering as a new way of being Church")
is now destined to drag on until 2025, or even later.
Deo Gratias!
Wednesday 6 March 2024
Anglican Church to pay 1 zillion pounds compensation
Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, announced today that the Anglican Church
would finally be compensating the Catholic Church to the extent of 1 zillion pounds
for the hardship, damage and looting that took place during the Reformation.
He also apologised for the Reformation's "deliberate actions to destroy diverse Catholic religious belief systems"
(yes, he really talks like that - I changed only one word).
It's a deal!
It is thought that this money will be used in two ways:
1. To make all people whose ancestors were Catholics rich beyond the dreams of
avarice, even though they personally did nothing to deserve it.
2. To bail out the Catholic Church in England so that it can finally
build some half-decent churches.
Arthur Roche tucks into a celebratory snack!
Vincent Nichols, Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster, has welcomed the offer
but said "In fact we are holding out for 1 squillion pounds, so that
all descendants of Catholics can become quite disgustingly rich without
doing anything to deserve it. Also, we want decent churches, not half-decent churches."
Not even a half-decent cathedral, unfortunately.
There had been some suggestions that the Catholic Church could take over
some of the churches and cathedrals nationalized in the 16th century, but
it was pointed out that these are now used mainly for crazy golf, helter-skelters,
dinosaur exhibits and discos, and it would be difficult to return them to
religious worship.
Peterborough Cathedral (with the tomb of Catherine of Aragon) is now a dinosaur museum.
LATE NEWS: The Lutherans are very sorry about Martin Luther, and they wish they'd chosen to call themselves after someone else.
Sunday 3 March 2024
The best and the worst
Nothing new here, just a list of the winners of all the world cups we have conducted.
BAD HYMNS November 2018
Gold: Lord of the Dance
Silver: Gather us in
Bronze: Shine, Jesus, Shine
Fourth Place: Kumbayah Sydney Carter, Marty Haugen and Graham Kendrick. BAD CARDINALS (I) February 2019 Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Reinhard Marx
Bronze: Walter Kasper
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio BAD CATHOLIC JOURNALISTS October 2019 Gold: James Martin
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: Massimo Faggioli
Fourth Place: Antonio Spadaro LITURGICAL ABUSES July 2020 Gold: Idols
Silver: Changing words in the liturgy
Bronze: Communion in the hand
Fourth Place: Consecrating ordinary bread UGLY CHURCHES November 2020 Gold: St Francis de Sales, Norton Shores, Michigan
Silver: Eglise Sainte Bernadette du Banlay
Bronze: Newman Hall, Holy Spirit, Berkeley
Fourth Place: Parroquia Santa Monica, Rivas-Vaciamadrid FRANCIS ACHIEVEMENTS September 2021 Gold: Pachamama worship
Silver: Traditionis Custodes
Bronze: Treatment of the church in China
Fourth Place: Rehabilitating Uncle Ted McCarrick INSTRUMENTS IN HELL March 2022 Gold: Vuvuzela
Silver: Bongo drums
Bronze: Kazoo
Fourth Place: Tambourine PATRON SAINTS OF ENGLAND May 2022 Gold: Thomas More
Silver: Thomas Becket
Bronze: John Fisher
Fourth Place: John Henry Newman BAD CARDINALS (II) October 2022 Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Arthur Roche
Bronze: Reinhard Marx
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio UNCROWNED SAINTS April 2023 Gold: Pope Leo XIII
Silver: Thomas à Kempis
Bronze: Pope Pius XII
Fourth Place: G.K. Chesterton ROYAL SAINTS July 2023 Gold: Jadwiga of Poland
Silver: Elizabeth of Hungary
Bronze: Stephen I of Hungary
Fourth Place: Louis IX of France SYNODAL HORRORS September 2023 Gold: Abp Víctor Fernández
Silver: Fr James Martin
Bronze: Cdl Arthur Roche
Fourth Place: Dr Austen Ivereigh SYNOD JARGON December 2023 Gold: a new way of being Church
Silver: a kenotic de-centering
Bronze: a listening Church
Fourth Place: respects the protagonism of the Spirit BAD CATHOLIC WRITERS March 2024 Gold: Víctor Manuel Fernández
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: James Martin
Fourth Place: Massimo Faggioli Next on my list is a World Cup of Catholic Leaders (living people who inspire you). Suggestions for further polls are welcome.
Silver: Gather us in
Bronze: Shine, Jesus, Shine
Fourth Place: Kumbayah Sydney Carter, Marty Haugen and Graham Kendrick. BAD CARDINALS (I) February 2019 Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Reinhard Marx
Bronze: Walter Kasper
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio BAD CATHOLIC JOURNALISTS October 2019 Gold: James Martin
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: Massimo Faggioli
Fourth Place: Antonio Spadaro LITURGICAL ABUSES July 2020 Gold: Idols
Silver: Changing words in the liturgy
Bronze: Communion in the hand
Fourth Place: Consecrating ordinary bread UGLY CHURCHES November 2020 Gold: St Francis de Sales, Norton Shores, Michigan
Silver: Eglise Sainte Bernadette du Banlay
Bronze: Newman Hall, Holy Spirit, Berkeley
Fourth Place: Parroquia Santa Monica, Rivas-Vaciamadrid FRANCIS ACHIEVEMENTS September 2021 Gold: Pachamama worship
Silver: Traditionis Custodes
Bronze: Treatment of the church in China
Fourth Place: Rehabilitating Uncle Ted McCarrick INSTRUMENTS IN HELL March 2022 Gold: Vuvuzela
Silver: Bongo drums
Bronze: Kazoo
Fourth Place: Tambourine PATRON SAINTS OF ENGLAND May 2022 Gold: Thomas More
Silver: Thomas Becket
Bronze: John Fisher
Fourth Place: John Henry Newman BAD CARDINALS (II) October 2022 Gold: Blase Cupich
Silver: Arthur Roche
Bronze: Reinhard Marx
Fourth Place: Francesco Coccopalmerio UNCROWNED SAINTS April 2023 Gold: Pope Leo XIII
Silver: Thomas à Kempis
Bronze: Pope Pius XII
Fourth Place: G.K. Chesterton ROYAL SAINTS July 2023 Gold: Jadwiga of Poland
Silver: Elizabeth of Hungary
Bronze: Stephen I of Hungary
Fourth Place: Louis IX of France SYNODAL HORRORS September 2023 Gold: Abp Víctor Fernández
Silver: Fr James Martin
Bronze: Cdl Arthur Roche
Fourth Place: Dr Austen Ivereigh SYNOD JARGON December 2023 Gold: a new way of being Church
Silver: a kenotic de-centering
Bronze: a listening Church
Fourth Place: respects the protagonism of the Spirit BAD CATHOLIC WRITERS March 2024 Gold: Víctor Manuel Fernández
Silver: Austen Ivereigh
Bronze: James Martin
Fourth Place: Massimo Faggioli Next on my list is a World Cup of Catholic Leaders (living people who inspire you). Suggestions for further polls are welcome.
Saturday 2 March 2024
Vincent Nichols cancels Triduum
Catholics in the diocese of Westminster have been surprised to learn
from Cardinal Nichols that
this year the Triduum is completely cancelled, and they will move
immediately from Thursday afternoon (after Cardinal Nichols has completed
the ceremonial washing of the feet
of women, Muslims, dogs and cats) to the traditional Sunday evening
worship of rabbits and eggs, as performed by the Church since the
first century.
However, three new activities are to replace the triduum, as follows:
1. All praise to Little Amal!
Another opportunity to worship Little Amal, the symbol of migration (or was it climate change? I forget).
And if you don't, then she will send her mother, Big Amal, to beat you up!
2. The religion of football.
Football (soccer) is already one of the main obsessions of the UK, and it is time that
the Catholic Church forgot about all that passiontide stuff and celebrated a religion
said to have been founded by the disciples. It is no coincidence that there were
exactly 11 of them left after Judas Iscariot was, er, transferred.
3. This would be an ecumenical matter.
It is no coincidence that March is Black Transgender Sikh History Awareness Month, and
we must always be open to alternative forms of worship, provided that they are not
in Latin!
Definitely no TLM!
On reaching the age of 75, Cardinal Nichols tendered his resignation to the Pope, as he was obliged to.
However, the Pope is not obliged to accept the resignations of yes-men: trouble-makers are
another matter, of course, and they are instantly cast into the outer darkness without a home,
a job, or a pension. We have all seen DO NOT FEED THE BURKE signs on the walls of the Vatican.
However, Vin is safe for the time being (and so are we, if they are really thinking of John Arnold
as a successor).
"Ugh! Heresy! Take it away!"
Saturday 24 February 2024
The Screwball Letters
A letter from a senior demon to a junior one.
With apologies to C.S. Lewis, who else?
Dear Slugknees,
I really must congratulate you on the success you are having
with the man in your charge. Allotting you the New York cardinal as a client has given you a relatively easy task, of course - you cannot expect him to write pornography, to embezzle money, to hold cocaine-fuelled orgies,
or to obsessively persecute those who worship the Enemy in traditional ways, as some of
the other cardinals do, but there are still plenty of
other opportunities for him to come into our power.
Your client falls into bad company.
As you know, I am a recognised authority on leading people
away from the Enemy - I have led my own client, a Jesuit who lives in the same
city as your man, into an obsession with "LGBT rights" - as he calls them
- and he has gone so far away from the Enemy's teachings that he even refers to men in wigs and dresses as "she/her"!
So you will be delighted to receive this praise from your dear Uncle Spiderspleen!
Anyway, I see from the Fallen Angel Herald that your man's cathedral was recently desecrated
by the funeral of a "trans" person, which was riddled with sacrilege from start to finish.
Rather than apologise and make a public act of contrition, he is blustering and excusing himself. When we can persuade
sinners to brush aside their sins like that, our battle for their souls is nearly won!
My own man was invited to St Patrick's, but he was busy elsewhere.
I particularly liked the way your protégé said "People are sick of hearing about it, aren't they?" when
questioned - we always encourage people to bypass the "Forgive us our sins" part of that grossly offensive
"Enemy's Prayer" and simply forgive their own trespasses!
Also his "We didn't know the background, we don't do FBI checks on people who want to be buried" was stunning.
I didn't realise that there were people who came to him saying "I want to be buried", but then I have
never fully understood the human race. It is probably no more eccentric than saying "I want to change sex", I guess.
(I'm sorry, they call it "gender" these days, don't they? Another of our successes!)
"I am the Lord of the Dance," said he.
As you have no doubt realised, our man has an obsessive need to be popular. He may once have had principles
of his own, but you are keeping them suppressed by making him scared of offending any politicians,
LGBT activists, etc. in case he is no longer invited to their dinners.
I really liked the way he defended himself when asked to discipline Governor Cuomo,
who like that other "devout Catholic" Biden is
one of our greatest
triumphs in the campaign to lure Catholics into promoting abortion.
Remember what he said?
"I say to the people, 'What are you all looking at Daddy here for?... I don't have much clout, some fat, Irish, balding bishop, talking about defending the Church?... people are going to say 'Ho Hum!'"
Perfect, my dear Slugknees! I don't suppose you can help him to become Pope when our present chap
finally goes to his reward? If we can't give the job to Tucho, then maybe your man would be an acceptable
alternative. We do need our men in positions of power!
Yours infernally,
Uncle Spiderspleen.
Wednesday 21 February 2024
The Frozen
Yes, it's a new American Christian historical drama television series! You thought you knew
the New Testament Bible story, but the producers have now filled in some missing
details previously omitted by Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Blessed Virgin Mary (or possibly Nicodemus).
A few liberties have been taken with the script:
* All the action has been moved to Antarctica.
* All character wear beards (including the ladies), so are impossible to tell apart.
* Exciting back-stories have been provided: Peter is a drug addict and gambler; James and John are bank robbers; top Evangelist Matthew suffers from learning difficulties, and can neither read nor write.
* Jesus needs help writing His sermon on the mount.
* The five thousand are fed on McDonald's' Jumbo Offalburgers (thanks to an arrangement with the sponsors). The Sermon on the Mount. Say the producers: "We Protestants are often accused of Sola Scriptura (if it ain't in the Bible it didn't happen). We have turned this round to Extra Scriptura (if it's in the Bible we can't use it)." The whole Gospel message is packed into 948 handy 3-hour films, and tell such thrilling stories as the trouble John the Reformed Baptist has with the Eskimo Soldiers (what do you mean, they're at the North Pole?), the episode of the Gadarene seals charging over the cliff, Jonah and the Whale (oh, was he Old Testament? Well, keep him in anyway, the viewers won't know that), and of course the Transfiguration at the South Pole. Eccles verdict: not to be missed! A shepherd watching over his flocks by night.
* All character wear beards (including the ladies), so are impossible to tell apart.
* Exciting back-stories have been provided: Peter is a drug addict and gambler; James and John are bank robbers; top Evangelist Matthew suffers from learning difficulties, and can neither read nor write.
* Jesus needs help writing His sermon on the mount.
* The five thousand are fed on McDonald's' Jumbo Offalburgers (thanks to an arrangement with the sponsors). The Sermon on the Mount. Say the producers: "We Protestants are often accused of Sola Scriptura (if it ain't in the Bible it didn't happen). We have turned this round to Extra Scriptura (if it's in the Bible we can't use it)." The whole Gospel message is packed into 948 handy 3-hour films, and tell such thrilling stories as the trouble John the Reformed Baptist has with the Eskimo Soldiers (what do you mean, they're at the North Pole?), the episode of the Gadarene seals charging over the cliff, Jonah and the Whale (oh, was he Old Testament? Well, keep him in anyway, the viewers won't know that), and of course the Transfiguration at the South Pole. Eccles verdict: not to be missed! A shepherd watching over his flocks by night.
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